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DUNKIRK (2017) FILM REVIEW

7/23/2017

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​*** 
12A, 107 Mins 

Christopher Nolan’s mechanical assault on the senses.
​It will be no surprise to many that Director Christopher Nolan is my favourite film-maker. The man is an auteur and a visionary.  A cinematic mastermind who has subverted the boundaries between blockbuster and arthouse.

While Michael Bay treats his audience with less intelligence than a lumbering bull, Nolan champions the belief that you don’t have to be dumb to be bankable and entertaining.

In a world where hungry studios milk cash through cacophonies of sequels, prequels and reboots; Nolan approaches every tentpole production with the same unique vision of the most obscure independent project. Arguably the last true artist of the Hollywood money monopoly!

Undoubtedly, my grand respect for the film-maker may suggest some confirmation bias when going into ‘Dunkirk’.

Following the Sci-Fi swansong of ‘Interstellar’ (2014), ‘Dunkirk’ sees the UK-born director travel back in time and back to British shores. Told over 3 days, the film details the British military’s mass WW2 evacuation of Dunkirk beach.

Within seconds of dropping bombs, audiences are head-thrusted into the calamitous confusion on land, air and sea back in 1940.

At the East Mole of Dunkirk harbour, a group of twentysomething soldiers straddle to survive amongst bombastic bombardment from the German Luftwaffe. One Direction’s Harry Styles is amongst them yet – like his lesser known cast mates – he blisteringly blends into the chaos.

At sea, a private vessel sails. Pioneered by Mark Rylance’s dedicated seafarer, these are a group of civilians drafted in as recruitment from the Royal Navy.

Their aim is to rescue remaining, stranded, shell-shocked soldiers. Yet – with minuscule experience of the conflict – the trauma of War couldn’t be more damning…

Meanwhile, from above comes the RAF launching a spitfire squadron against the German threat over the English Channel.

What they all share, however, is fear and desperation to stay alive…

Owing more to Paul Greengrass’s ‘Captain Phillips’ (2013) than, say, ‘Saving Private Ryan’ (1998), ‘Dunkirk’ is less concerned with brash jingoism than it is with the relentless chaos of the event itself.

Against the sweat-dripping suspense of Hans Zimmer’s score, the film is a nail-biting, tick-against the-clock scurry for survival.

Nolan focuses strictly on the winding cogs churning armed engines; documenting the decadent horror of being entrapped with no escape in sight.

He does so in a pulsating docudrama style. Plunging well within waters, sand and skies surrounding the action, the camera captures every corner of the carnage.

There’s a surreal insanity about the film’s raw realism too. Skull-splitting sight, sound and even smell seamlessly mesh into what appears a single take. Sporadic moments resemble real-world footage as opposed to dramatization.

Inevitably, for a film clocking in at a surprisingly short 107 min run-time, the mechanics of military machinery take first place to that of character development.

Despite star-studded faces such as Tom Hardy, Cillian Murphy and Kenneth Branagh littered across the packed house of settings, none spectacularly shine.

Perhaps this may be crucial to Nolan’s central message that-  in War - humans are indistinguishable from one another. However, more backstory to our heroes wouldn’t have gone amiss.

As a result, late moments of gooey sentimentality feel somewhat forced. Where’s the German side of the story?

Yet, do not doubt, emotional exploitation dares not damage ‘Dunkirk’. ‘Pearl Harbour’ (2001) this most certainly isn’t!

Despite a low 12A certificate, no bullet of brutality is lost. While little blood splatters on screen, the viewer’s harrowing realisation of the human toll is never jeopardised.

For a snapshot of the trauma, simply cast your eyes (if you dare) to a devastating sequence involving the catastrophic capsizing of an oil ship.

As fuel fires and liquid lights, the cries of young males echo through the deafening sound system. It’s a terrifying and yet deeply moving encapsulation of macho men reduced to quivering wrecks in face of disaster.

For his 10th feature film, Nolan has created a lean, mean machine of a movie.  Perhaps hardcore devotees craving the more highbrow musings of his earlier work may feel short-changed. Yet, on a pure film-making front, multiplex is never more cinematic than this!

My palms were sweating, my head throbbing and my heart pounding...
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BOX OFFICE BONANZA

7/22/2017

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​‘Dunkirk’ dashes to the top, while ‘Valerian’ valiantly crashes.
It was another weekend of bang for bucks for Christopher Nolan. His hugely-anticipated WW2 epic ‘Dunkirk’ slam-dunked it’s way to Box Office No.1 spot. Hardly a surprise really for a film-maker responsible for making $1.5 billion with ‘The Dark Knight’ (2008)!
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Currently sitting at an impressive $55 million, the drum-pounding War saga has already scooped up half its $100 million budget. With record intakes of this sort, clearing up its costs should be no trouble at all. A staggering achievement given it's up against franchise fare such as ‘War for the Planet of the Apes’ and ‘Spider-Man: Homecoming’.

Proof of Nolan’s status as one of the few film-makers whose name alone can sell a movie. I just wish I loved ‘Dunkirk’ more. Not that I hated it. In fact, I enjoyed it enormously. Yet it’s a surprisingly straightforward and slightly minor work in the director’s barnstorming back-catalogue.

With early OSCAR talk already stirring, I can’t help, but think had Michael Bay directed the movie and not Nolan whether praise would be quite so resounding. Nolan’s credentials will certainly boost ‘Dunkirk’ to higher awards than it might have received otherwise and terrific for him. I just wish it was for ‘Inception’ (2010) instead!

Less positive words can be said about ‘Valerian: City of a Thousand Planets’. Since early this year, Luc Besson’s kitschy space opera was predicted to be 2017’s biggest bomb.

Against my own wishes, those monetary woes seem worse than ever. At a behemoth budget of $180 million, the film is supposedly the most expensive French production ever. And yet it barely scraped $17 million across the pond! Ouch!

Unquestionably, competition with a Chris Nolan crowd-pleaser is not a good spot to open your blockbuster. Yet there are likely greater reasons for ‘Valerian’s downfall.

The film’s marketing campaign has been sporadic at best; suggesting an over-inflated blend of ‘Star Wars’ and ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’.

Despite originating as a French comic-book series, the film’s fanbase is currently small outside of its native country and lacks the demand of mammoth Marvel and D.C Comics properties.

On top of this, who’s the star of this film? One-time ‘Spider-Man’ sensation Dane “Green Goblin” DeHaan is hardly bankable material while Cara Delavigne looks nice, but previous acting experience is limited beyond her horrendous villainess in ‘Suicide Squad’ (2016).

Perhaps better Box Office beckons on UK shores (it opens here August 2nd), but a bomb is brewing for Besson’s pulpy Sci-Fi flick.
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WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES (2017)         FILM REVIEW

7/18/2017

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***** 
12A, 142 Mins

A political parable for a new age.
“Saving the best til’ last” is not a phrase you’d usually associate with the troublesome “threequel”. If movie history has dictated anything, it is that third films are a bodge.
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After the rousing success of ‘Rise and Dawn of the Planet of the Apes’ (2011-2014), you wouldn’t be foolish for fearing this third instalment in the rebooted ‘Planet of the Apes’ saga would similarly crash and burn.

In fact, quite the opposite!

Building on the layered groundwork of its stellar predecessors, ‘War for the Planet of the Apes’ joins the ranks of ‘Lord of the Rings: Return of the King’ (2003) and Batman’s ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ (2012). In short, it is one of the greatest trilogy conclusions ever conducted!

Less a Sci-Fi crowd-pleaser than a poignant, pulsating, poetic War movie; the film finds its footing well within the jungles of post-apocalyptic Earth.

Gruellingly resembling the guerrilla warfare of Vietnam, militaristic forces scour green forests in search of Simian chief Caesar (Andy Serkis). Thus we are re-immersed in the continuing conflict of Human vs. Ape. Once again, however, our main support lies with those monkeys!

Still haunted by a botched peace agreement in the previous film, central Caesar finds his hopes of non-violent protests quashed by the masterplans of cut-throat Colonel McCullough (Woody Harrellson).

An ultra-conservative firearms worshipper who routinely razor-shaves his already balding head, McCullough leads a brutish army of Fascist soldiers with the eventual intent of exterminating every last Ape.

However not before capturing and putting them to back-breaking labour, building – strangely presciently – “a wall”…

They do so within the confines of a cold, calculating concentration camp often overseen by defecting Apes who have been brainwashed into supporting the opposing side. Should Apes disobey, they find themselves horrifically lynched and left to suffocate on wooden crosses.

From the outset, there is a dark, grisly menace haunting this production. Despite a 12A certificate suggesting a family multiplex evening, there’s nothing remotely child-friendly to be found here.

Witnessing woeful scenes of whippings, torture and mass slaughter, I found my face unusually squinting. That is alongside evocations of terror and tragedy scurrying from my heart!

Undoubtedly, the film’s “adult” sensibility is crucial to its success. While audiences may demand blasts of bombardment from the film’s gung-ho title, Director Matt Reeves keeps “action” to the minimal.

Much of the focus remains mostly on the Apes themselves. With limited dialogue, a large portion of their intellectual interaction is down to silent sign language.

Mastering the mind-blowing art of motion capture technology, Andy Serkis is mesmerising. From the muscular physicality to the chest-beating growls, the actor embodies every fur-ball of the creature. In his hands, Caesar is as three-dimensional as he is animated.

After years of debate, an OSCAR nomination is a must (provided the Academy can get over a talking Ape that is!). Should those snobs have any query, however, simply shower them with a single scene!

That scene being a mouth-watering melee of words between Caesar and Colonel. One is a liberal being, preaching peace and prosperity. The other is a jingoistic nationalist rooted in right-wing extremism.

However the film resists the temptation to cast its humans as mere “monsters”. Instead Harrellson’s radical commando is deftly characterized by a heart-wrenching backstory, while Caesar contemplates crossing lines of his own.

This moral greyness is spectacularly utilized in a snow-swept climax. A swooping sequence which breathtakingly fulfils promises of a jaw-dropping finale!

Taking the template of ‘Star Wars’s Battle of Hoth, Director Reeves charges the chaos with emotive pain. You won’t find ‘Transformers’-style tedium here. Rather you’ll be head-scratching over the mercilessness of War itself.

“War is evil…for both sides” appears the message the film refuses to sacrifice for the sake of CGI.

There are flaws to this franchise’s most accomplished instalment. A side-story involving a mute young girl (Amiah Miller) feels fairly forced while comic relief from miniature “Bad Ape” (Steve Zahn) tiptoes towards blatant racial stereotype.

Yet even these weaker moments hold significance and they build beautifully to an ending that is ever so devastating, but so immensely powerful.

Whether there is life left for this series is another question, but, should this be “the end”, it’s one hell of a good ‘un!
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If there has ever been a “blockbuster with brains”, this certainly is it.
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GAME OF THRONES (2011-)                                                SEASON 7 EPISODE 1 TV REVIEW/RECAP

7/17/2017

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**** 

An eventful beginning of an end for ‘Game of Thrones’. Ed Sheeran can’t act though!
It was an hour of wine, choking and alliances for ‘Game of Thrones’. The first episode of the penultimate Season 7 serving a routine reminder that the end is nigh for TV’s best drama since ‘The Wire’ (2002-2008).
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Undoubtedly there will be sobs from the show’s 25.1 million odd fans dreading the day their favourite mash of sex, politics and dragons draws its curtains for the last time.

Thankfully, that won’t be for another year (or two!) and this season opener suggested there’s still lots of life left in the world of Westeros.

After a Wildfire-bursting finale last year, Season 7 opened bloodier than blood. We were greeted with a “warm” welcome from Walder Frey (David Bradley). Yes. That creepy old crone was back in the fold; chastising fellow folk for not killing the Starks properly!

Frankly, Frey’s appearance would’ve left me fuming. Thank goodness it was just a ploy! Arya Stark (Maisie Williams) was spectacularly in place to put all right; albeit through spiking blackberry wine!

Back at King’s Landing, incestuous twins Cersei (Lena Headey) and Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) continued to connive; though their sibling bond is being sorely tested.

Cersei is Queen of Westeros now. Yet House Lannister’s Conservative grip on the Iron Throne is beginning to loosen as previous allies divert east.

East, of course, is the impending army of Daenerys “Mother of Dragons” Targaryen (Emilia Clarke) whose gigantic fleet is gaining strong support from a variety of sources. Her closest and most notable is Cersei’s lovably drunken dwarf brother Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) whose knack for strategic planning will play to perfection in the ever-nearing War to come.

It won’t be long before Daenerys (Dany) hits the shores of King’s Landing and takes back the throne that – she claims - is rightfully hers.

Cersei still has a couple of “friends” though. Her best bet at thwarting Dany’s sea-born threat comes in the form of slippery Euron Greyjoy (Pilou Asbaek) – the newly-crowned King of the Iron Islands!

From the steps of his strut to the throne room, there was something seriously “dodgy” about this dude!

After all, his first major line last season was “where’s my niece and nephew? Let’s go kill them!”. What a fine fella!

Not that Cersei’s a lovely lady herself! Perhaps the prospect of being wedded to Euron will be her path to victory. The rest of Westeros beware! We could have the latest “most contemptible couple” on our hands!

Up North, recently-declared “King of the North” Jon Snow (Kit Harrington) faced a far-greater threat than the leery Lannisters down south. That being the coming of the White Walkers beyond the Wall.

As the truthful heir to the land’s throne, Jon will find himself torn between the enemies of the south and those pesky ice zombies even further north. Thankfully, Sansa Stark (Sophie Turner) was swiftly on-hand to offer some sisterly advice to her black-bearded “bastard” bro.

I’m really starting to like Sansa too! Gone is the spoilt girl who chased after psychos like Joffrey and Ramsay in search of a “perfect man”. In her place, we have a dignified, fiercely independent heroine. Not beyond a few scheming tricks of her own!

It wasn’t all thumbs up this week. In fact, one scene had me burying my head in my hands...for all the wrong reasons!

Was there a need for that painful Ed Sheeran cameo? Not to mention, a dose of his whiney sing songs screeching through my computer screen!

For a brief 5 mins, I wondered whether I was watching a ‘Lego House’ audition for a John Lewis commercial! Perhaps that’s personal nit-picking though!

Good thing, Arya was around again! This time, she was having a jolly ole’ drink with a bunch of travelling Lannister soldiers (Mr. Sheeran being leader of the pack…amusingly enough).

It will be intriguing to see what our favourite tomboy assassin (Arya) gets up to in the coming weeks. My hope would be a welcome reunion with “m’ladyzoned” best mate Gendry (a character who has been rowing-boat for 4 seasons now!). Either way, there’s really nothing that girl can’t do!

All in all, a solid start for Season 7. Perhaps not the most “shocking” of instalments, but promising plenty to come.

No wonder I was covered in goosebumps when Dany announced “Shall we begin?”
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Winter ain’t coming…winter is here!
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BEST OF 2017 (SO FAR)...

7/10/2017

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A rousing year for diversity!
If 2017 has been anything thus far, it has been a year in which diversity thrived. For physical proof of this statement, think back to February when ‘Moonlight’ trumped whitewashed, saxophone-swinging ‘La La Land’ to OSCAR glory.

A low-key, independently-produced arthouse project following a homosexual African American male into adulthood; the film surpassed everything we have come to expect from the cynical Academy Awards. Despite the infamous #WRONGBESTFILM debacle, all that truly matters is witnessing Mr. OSCAR overcome his generation-long prejudices and rightfully crown the season’s well and truly Best Picture.

Having seen ‘Moonlight’ again since, my magnificent high praise of the film feels even greater. It truly is a masterpiece to trounce all masterpieces!

Racial stereotypes continued to be subverted in 2017. In the wake of last year’s #OSCARSSOWHITE Row, a string of terrific black-led productions appeared a direct response to the outrage caused.

From insightful documentaries like ‘I Am Not Your Negro’ to popcorn horrors-with-brains such as ‘Get Out’, the issue of film racism was tackled in an intelligent, thought-provoking manner.

Feminism was in full force this year. Out of Britain came outstanding independent dramas such as ‘Lady MacBeth’ and ‘The Levelling’; along with the BBC-produced ‘Their Finest’.

On European shores, we were greeted with the ravishing ‘Raw’. Ludicrously dubbed the “grossest movie ever made”, this Belgian cannibal horror was actually an elegant, touching coming-of-age saga exploring female gender identity and loneliness. Not for the squeamish though!

From the Far East, we witnessed Park Chan-Wook’s exquisite and explicit ‘The Handmaiden’. Part costume drama, part thriller, part romance, the South Korean film was a gorgeous, engrossing portrait of sexual desire and awakening.

The US rocked on a feminist front too. Mike Mills’ whimsical indie drama ‘20th Century Women’ had me smiling and tearing up throughout. A warm, witty, wonderful tale of femininity and matriarchy; with an outrageously OSCAR-snubbed Annette Benning delivering a heart-melting performance!

Even the multiplex embraced equality! Want evidence? Just look at ‘Wonder Woman’s whopping $722 million Box Office!

Despite being slightly underwhelmed by the film itself, I couldn’t be more thrilled to see mainstream audiences endorsing a female-led blockbuster. Given the toxic Twitter trolls poisoning the internet with their misogyny, ‘Wonder Woman’s success is a valiant victory cry for feminism!

It also indicates what a barnstorming year it has been for those of big budget. For every crushing dud such as ‘Ghost in the Shell’, ‘King Arthur: Legend of the Sword’ and ‘Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar’s Revenge’, there has been a ‘Logan’, ‘Alien: Covenant’ and ‘Baby Driver’. In any other year, all three of those would have made my top 10. The fact that only two of them have entered the finished list shows how solid 2017 has been!

Finally, last, but by no means least is a mention for Animation. What a phenomenal year! Especially for Japan’s Anime maestros Studio Ghibli. With their swooning silent hand-drawn production ‘The Red Turtle’, the studio proved themselves to be unparalleled in the art of textured visual storytelling. Gorgeous, poignant and breathtakingly beautiful, my eyes struggled to cope with the painted wonders on display.

Being the last film I saw before composing this piece, ‘The Red Turtle’ is the freshest in my mind and heart. And won’t leave for a long, long time…

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10 Best Films of 2017 (So Far)
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My current list comprises of a couple of rules. I have stuck strictly to films released within the first 6 months of 2017. As a result, any film released later than June does not feature here.

Innevitably, I have not seen every film that has come out this year. I am still yet to view critically acclaimed films such as ‘Elle’, ‘Personal Shopper’, ‘The Salesman’ and ‘The Lego Batman Movie’.

On top of this, I have excluded any film that won or was nominated for 2017’s OSCARS. This is partly to do with my lack of faith in the awards panel, but also many of these films were released elsewhere last year and thus are considered “2016 movies”. As much as I adore ‘Moonlight’ and ‘Manchester By The Sea’, they’ve had plethoras of praise as it is.
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Beyond that, here are my favourite films of 2017 so far…

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​10. Free Fire
Ben Wheatley’s 90 min shootout flick was a blood-splashing blast! Funny, violent and moving in spades!




​9. Get Out
Deliciously dry, racially themed horror satire. Laughs, scares and brains in abundance!




​8. I Am Not Your Negro

Thought-provoking, insightful and gripping documentary; detailing the history of racism in America.

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​7. Alien: Covenant

A dazzling return to form for the ‘Alien’ franchise. The maddest, most intelligent and inventive blockbuster of the summer.

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​6. Raw
As much a skin-chewing fleshfest as a tender tale of adolescence, ‘Raw’ really roared!




5. 20th Century Women
Wondrous coming-of-age drama. A winning mix of feminity, nostalgia and maternal love.









4. The Handmaiden
Explicitly exquisite costume drama. Stylish, sexy and swooning, this was a cinematic beauty to behold!





​3. Baby Driver
Edgar Wright’s motorheaded musical of mad surrealism. I’ve rarely enjoyed the multiplex more!




2. The Levelling
A haunting British youth drama set in the Somerset Levels. Surreal and sincere in equal measure.





1. 
The Red Turtle
A silent movie masterpiece from those geniuses at Studio Ghibli. A poetic painting of life, love and loneliness!



​TURKEY OF THE YEAR (SO FAR)...

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​Gifted
Toe-curling melodrama that is utterly unaware of its insufferableness
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SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING (2017) FILM REVIEW

7/7/2017

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**
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12A, 133 Mins

Cartoonish Spidey spins a web of Marvel materialism.
“Why?” is the word that swirled round my head following the whiningly whimsy end credits of ‘Spider-Man: Homecoming’ (2017).
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Ironic given it’s been a mere 3 years since over-obsessive Spidermaniacs asked that very same question about ‘The Amazing Spider-Man 2’ (2014). A film which felt less like a movie than a feature-length trailer for future Sony instalments.

Boy, believe me! That flawed sequel felt like ‘The Shawshank Redemption’ compared to this lumpen exercise in materialistic movie marketing.

Despite their increasing over-reliance on franchise-building, it’s rare a Marvel movie has felt this lacking in heart, brains or soul.

Hiring newcomer film-maker Jon Watts (director of indie hit ‘Cop Car’ (2015)), the studio have created a saggy Spider-Man strenuously stranded between dingy ‘Diary of a Wimpy Kid’ and aggressive ‘Avengers’ advert.

Skipping over Spidey’s radioactive origins, 20 year old Tom Holland is the latest “geeky” incarnation of Peter Parker. 

As established in last year’s ‘Captain America: Civil War’ (2016), he’s a prodigy of Robert Downey Jr.’s smoothly smarmy Tony Stark (little more than a creepy CEO uncle here!).

By night, he may behave like a cocky brat disarming Hulk-faced bank robbers. Yet only after silencing pervy shop owners swooning over “smokin’ hot” aunt May (Marisa Tomei), going girl-spotting with “obese” best mate Ned (Jacob Batalon) and getting aroused by “girl next door” Liz Allen (Laura Harrier).

All within the comforts of retina-scorching school corridors; populated in all corners by caricatured stereotypes of Italians, Indians and Chinese.

In one scene, Downey’s Stark phones our titular hero from an Indian palace featuring no one, but turbaned princes and sari-dressed princesses dancing jolly to Bhangra!

“Pray to Ganesh for that!” he quips when handing a “servant” his empty shot of Scotch!
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At the risk of being branded a PC addict gone mad, I struggled to not be minutely offended. Being half-Indian myself and all!

Frankly I’d be willing to overlook that “accidentally racist” remark if the rest of the film wasn’t such a damp squib.

Playing the web-slinger like a 14 year old fussing over his cheap Christmas gizmos, Holland’s Spidey sets new records for irritation. Lacking the minimum requirements for a 0.5 dimensional character, there’s an agonizing arrogance pouring from this Mr. Parker’s mouth. 

One yearned for the angst, anxiety and awkwardness of Andrew Garfield’s amazing rendition.

Perhaps that is what Director Watts intended for this re-imagining. The film’s retro cinematography and hormonal oglings give an 80s teen movie vibe in vein of ‘The Breakfast Club (1985).

Too bad there’s no depth here! Any attempt at adolescence coming off like a cringey ‘Simpsons’ parody. Minus “SPIDER PIG, SPIDER PIG”!

Of course, this takes back-stage to the excessive franchising at work.
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If you downed a Jagerbomb over every product placed snap of Doritos, Pizza Hut and Coca Cola clogging the production, no doubt you’d be bladdered! 

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Though you’d be paralytic if the same test was to be performed with the biggest brand on display – the Marvel Cinematic Universe!

From the heights of Stark Tower to Thor’s hammer, you might as well have carved a mammoth Marvel sculpture from every frame. Virtually every aspect appears crafted by a commercialistic committee of a corporation; in hunt of every last cent from your bankrupt wallets!

There’s nothing that remotely stands alone. Nothing outside of an ongoing continuum. Not even routinely fantastic Michael Keaton’s receding-haired, villainous Vulture!

A late-in the-game cameo from Captain America delivers a life-affirming message...

"Makes you wonder why you waited so long for something so disappointing. How many more of these?” the Cap preaches.

What a perfect metaphor for Marvel’s declining superhero state! Not that we needed explaining!

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WHY I'M DREADING ANOTHER SPIDERMAN MOVIE

7/1/2017

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The upcoming ‘Spiderman: Homecoming’ appears the latest cash-in to an ever-expanding brand.
​Back in 2002, the release of Sam Raimi’s ‘Spiderman’ (2002) was an event to say the least. After decades of slinging wondrous webs through the pages of cult comics, Marvel’s iconic tale of high-school geek turned arachnid vigilante seemed poised for Box Office bonanza!
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Indeed, it did. Being only aged 5 at the time, I unsurprisingly never caught it in cinemas! Though in the 15 years since, it was impossible not to be up-to-speed with the Spidey phenomenon!

Despite never being the most passionate comic-book aficionado, I couldn’t help, but feel rather agnostic about Raimi’s action-packed vision of the character.

No doubt I was fighting against the tides. The world’s dedicated fanbase lapped up the original film!

It was every kid’s wildest dream! And kickstarted a now rather tired catalogue of yearly summer superhero flicks!

Too bad Tobey Maguire couldn’t act and Kirsten Dunst’s teeth-grating Mary-Jane Watson was a death sentence for me!

The sequel ‘Spiderman 2’ (2004) was spiders ahead! A surreal spin on the superheroic saga, the film was deliciously notable for Alfred Molina’s slimy yet Shakespearian supervillain Dr. Octopus. More importantly, however, it asked grander questions than its slightly empty predecessor ever pondered. What does it mean to be a hero? What’s more important? Love or saving the world?

Sadly such stellar work was grossly undone by the ramshackle that was ‘Spiderman 3’ (2007). Perhaps the less said about that cataclysmic mess of cluttered storylines, overpopulated antagonists and toe-curling attempts at humour the better. Was there really any excuse for Maguire’s Peter dancing though?

Given the disaster of the third effort, you can’t blame Sony for cancelling any further productions! Ironic given their rampant studio interference was the core blame for Spidey 3’s downfall!

Nonetheless, Director Raimi was out and a reboot was on the cards.

Naturally, geeky superfans were fuming! No Raimi?! No Maguire?! No Dunst?! What a travesty!

It’s no surprise therefore that when ‘The Amazing Spiderman’ (2012) – directed by ‘(500) Days of Summer’s Marc Webb – finally emerged, the reception was, let’s just say, sniffy.
“It’s too soon”, “it’s too similar, “they’re doing it all over again!” they all said.

I admit, I myself initially fell somewhat into that category. While not abysmal, I struggled to shrug off a sense of “why?”.

Why were they treading lines so familiar so soon after?

It’s touching then that – in the years since – I have grown fonder and fonder of that much-maligned Spidey retread.

I don’t doubt this has something to do with my affection for Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone!

One of the major criticisms of ‘The Amazing Spiderman’ has been towards it’s overemphasis on indie quirks and ‘Twilight’-style moping.

On that second point, I am inclined to respectfully disagree. Whereas ‘Twilight’s teen vampire wimps were more miserable than a wet week in Wales, ‘The Amazing Spiderman’ wringed a light, breezy charm.

As far as the indie issue is concerned, however, it couldn’t be more tailored to my tastes!

Whereas Maguire’s caricatured excuse for a ninth grade nerd and Dunst’s whiney brat lover had less chemistry than 2 planks snogging, I could watch Garfield and Stone in the worst movie ever made and still have moved tears streaming down my face!

Recently, a friend of mine claimed Garfield’s pale Peter Parker was “too hot” and “too cool” to be believed as a socially inept outcast.

Really? Can’t a loner be handsome and quippy?
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Frankly Garfield played Peter to perfection. Despite being at least 20 years older than Spidey’s adolescent origins, the British-born actor seemed indistinguishable from an awkward teen outsider. His sheepish face itself conveyed a mousy mix of shyness, anxiety and insecurity. Ideal for a story that is essentially an allegory of adolescent angst.

As for Emma Stone, what more can one say? Without descending into a fan rhapsody that is!

Her Gwen Stacy was a pretty love interest refreshingly concerned with more than the straightness of her hair!

The fact that Garfield and Stone were so sublimely screen suited for each other allowed me to overlook the lesser sequel’s rhino-in the-room problems.

Perhaps expectedly, fans lambasted ‘The Amazing Spiderman 2’ (2014) for its overstuffed plotting and committee-like agenda for setting up future instalments (none of which – as we now know – would ever happen!).

And so Summer 2017 welcomes ‘Spiderman: Homecoming’. A film which Spidermaniacs are excitedly counting the days for!

I myself, however, feel unusually uninspired by the prospect.

When Sony announced the scrapping of their planned ‘Spiderman’ universe, Marvel Studios brashly bought the rights to their original property.

This new, upcoming Spidey will finally take place within the gigantic Marvel Cinematic Universe. 20 year old Tom Holland is the youngest ever performer to take on the Peter Parker part (the text character was 15!).

Should be a recipe for success, right?!

Not in my book!

While I can completely understand fandom demand for a faithful adaptation, the trailers preceding ‘Homecoming’ reek of a corny ‘Diary of a Wimpy Kid’ vibe!

Undoubtedly, this might be essential to Marvel mythology, but does it suit the silver screen?

Where’s the awkwardness? The angst? The anxiety?

What concerns one most though are the corporate fantasies that appear to coat the production.

For the first time in years, Marvel’s ever-expanding empire feels saggy and slogging. Can’t we simply have a solo super saga?

For all their bursts of balletic colours, the studio lacks depth. Every spin on their creations feel episodic and fast food-like; providing temporary escapism yet only to establish further franchise material. And thus milk the cash cow!

Most of all, the latest re-imagining features Robert Downey Jr. cracking his sardonic wit as Tony Stark/Iron Man!

He’s hilarious too, but we want Spiderman! And Spiderman only!

Of course, an open mind is a must for every release, but I’m going to miss Andrew and Emma!
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GIFTED (2017) FILM REVIEW

7/1/2017

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* 
12A, 97 Mins

Between cliché and cringe, this tawdry melodrama is too treacly for its own health.
Directed by Marc Webb, this sickly tale of a child prodigy caught in the midst of a traumatizing legal battle is no newcomer to the manipulative world of Hollywood tear-jerking.

Like a cheap crossing point between ‘Good Will Hunting’ (1997) and ‘Kramer vs. Kramer’ (1979), the film centres around the clichéd uncle-niece chemistry of Chris “Captain America” Evan’s hunky lumberjack and “gifted” 12 year old Mary (McKenna Grace).

As with so many Americanized spins on hard-hitting subjects, this young soul’s so-called “giftedness” is never clarified in meaning – suggesting everything about the film-maker’s narrow-minded view of child development.

In the most horrendously hackneyed of manners, young Mary is also disruptive, difficult and down-right “disrespectful”. 

Not only does she scratch, scream and snarl. Unsurprisingly she can also solve every Einsteinian Maths equation on her thumbs!

Thought events couldn’t get more catastrophically contrived? Let’s add that Mary’s grandmother (Lindsay Duncan) is a cynical curmudgeon; hoping to gain legal guardianship of her brilliant granddaughter and is – criminally in this case – “very British”.
Though the film has the naivity to vocally assume British = English!

In fact, the individual who makes such a bland assumption is a kooky teacher (Jenny Slate) dressed in unusually high-waisted skirts and sporting a baby voice to scrape the eardrums!

A strong contender for most teeth-grating professional ever to place nails on a blackboard!

Inevitably Slate’s queen of annoying whimsy ends up awkwardly making out with “Cap America” (no complaining for her!). The downer is us audience being tortured with sitting through what can only be described as snoozefest courtrooms for politically over-correct bozos!

Despite the globules of Maple syrup drooling down our throats, there’s something extremely nauseating about ‘Gifted’s misguided box-tickings. 

Take Octavia Spencer’s miniscule supporting role as a depressing example. Shoe-horned into another patronizing part as a submissive nanny, the film utterly wastes a talented actress. Her near-identical role in ‘The Help’ (2011) seems empowering in comparison!
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I found myself my face physically scrunching in disbelief!

Forgive me for sounding like a pompous snob, but this is the kind of sentimental clap-trap that exists purely to yank the heartstrings of awards voters (most of whose usual soppy schmaltz will be sorely tested and stony-faced!).

More bothersome, however, is how vapidly unaware Director Webb seems of the film’s insufferableness.

What a shame too. Especially given how much I loved his beautifully sincere ‘(500) Days of Summer’ (2009) and delightful indie spin on ‘The Amazing Spiderman’ (2012). Where're Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone when you need em’?!
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    Meet Roshan Chandy

    Freelance Film Critic and Writer based in Nottingham, UK. Specialises in Science Fiction cinema.

    Roshan's Top 10 Best Films of 2020

    1. Tenet
    2. Clemency
    3. Rocks
    4. Portrait of a Lady on Fire
    5. Mangrove
    6. David Byrne's American Utopia
    7. Never Rarely Sometimes Always
    8. Calm with Horses
    9. Saint Maud
    10. Soul


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